Anyone Here Asexual?

This is the place for not hair related discussions.
johnnunes88
Posts: 32
Joined: 24 Oct 2013, 05:25
Has thanked: 7 times

Anyone Here Asexual?

Post by johnnunes88 »

Hi everyone,

Im just curious if anyone here is asexual. The past week Ive been looking into it as I might be asexual; it would explain a bunch of things with me. But i did see that being asexual AND having a fetish is very possible so I was wondering if theres anyone here who is actually asexual and has a hair fetish and would want to share how they handle it? (If its alright with you) Thanks
klaatu48
Posts: 2418
Joined: 05 Oct 2005, 05:58
Has thanked: 137 times
Been thanked: 61 times

Re: Anyone Here Asexual?

Post by klaatu48 »

I believe I'm on the asexual spectrum, if you will. I love looking at women and playing with them to an extent, but generally past third base... meh. Basically I'm all for exploring her body and giving her pleasure, but my own body is like, "Nah, I'll handle it later." Coupled with the fact that I'm far more comfortable being alone in general, I'm generally not involved in the dating scene (it's probably been ten years since my last, and that was before I realize asexuality was a thing and I kept wondering what was wrong with me... but didn't care enough to see a therapist about it. Apathetic asexual?)

Anyway, I've only talked to a few very close friends about it because it just doesn't come into play (if anyone asks about my romantic life, I just say I'm out of the game) and, frankly, I don't want the girls I know to disregard any compliments I give them. I feel like if they knew I didn't want to actually fuck them even if there was an opportunity, the fact that I think their new dress looks hot on them wouldn't pack as much of an ego-boosting punch.
zacmartavic
Posts: 9
Joined: 25 Aug 2020, 17:15
Been thanked: 1 time

Re: Anyone Here Asexual?

Post by zacmartavic »

I think I maybe? I have 0 attraction to anyone male or female. The only that turns me on is male short cuts, and now recently women getting drastic short cuts. I
LightYagami
Posts: 8
Joined: 06 May 2015, 17:23
Been thanked: 2 times

Re: Anyone Here Asexual?

Post by LightYagami »

Yeah I identify as ace, never thought there’d be anyone else like me on here tbh, nice to see. It’s a confusing thing to have a fetish and not have any sexual attraction to anyone and for a time I believed it wasn’t possible until I read about other aces. I’d say I’m comfortable with it now you know, it’s not something I think about too much. It’s bizarre but it’s who I am and that’s that. If you ever want to chat about it feel free to drop me a dm.
User avatar
bangs-cutter
Posts: 6518
Joined: 12 Oct 2011, 04:50
Has thanked: 22 times
Been thanked: 111 times

Re: Anyone Here Asexual?

Post by bangs-cutter »

It does come down to how one defines what counts as sexual or not. To put it crudely, by society's "vanilla normal sexual" standards, normal sexual attraction is if a person gets aroused by the sex genitals.

For me, I know I am heterosexual for sure, as in attracted to women, not men. Though, that vanilla attraction is something I don't relate to at all. I am not turned on by nudity. I am indifferent to seeing a naked woman. If anything, I prefer she remains dressed. A woman in lingerie, bikini, or revealing sports wear is more appealing to me than if she were completely naked.

As is obvious for most of us here, my primary attraction is to the hair. But it's not the only factor. It goes hand-in-hand to her general appearance too. She is only attractive to me if she has nice hair AND pretty overall (pretty face and slim build). Having a nice rack or bum doesn't matter to me.

I have no interest in vanilla intercourse sex. Does this make me asexual?

Since hair fetishism is strong in me, my fantasy involves sex with the hair being the focus. Hair play would be like foreplay to me. My fantasy would be a hair job; long silky straight hair wrapped around my man parts.

Then again, I've never been in a relationship long enough to lead to physical intimacy. So all these are just hypothetical with no practical experience.

I am content with being single. No long term commitments. No dramas. Full independence on my own to do what I want, when I want, and however I want. The thought of being committed and "bound" to someone is terrifying to me actually.

I wish to have a "no strings attached" person to do hair play with, without the vanilla sex or commitment. The equivalent of a fuck buddy for normal people, but in the context of hair fetish.

But how on earth do you even find someone to establish this sort of arrangement? It must seem so bizarre and she gets nothing out of it.

"Hey, I just want to play with your hair. No sex. Just play with your hair. And wrap your long hair around my manhood and blow cum over it."

:lol:
klaatu48
Posts: 2418
Joined: 05 Oct 2005, 05:58
Has thanked: 137 times
Been thanked: 61 times

Re: Anyone Here Asexual?

Post by klaatu48 »

Without knowing where you're located, BC, that sounds like something I'd imagine a sex worker would consider an easy night.
User avatar
bangs-cutter
Posts: 6518
Joined: 12 Oct 2011, 04:50
Has thanked: 22 times
Been thanked: 111 times

Re: Anyone Here Asexual?

Post by bangs-cutter »

klaatu48 wrote:
01 Sep 2020, 17:53
Without knowing where you're located, BC, that sounds like something I'd imagine a sex worker would consider an easy night.
Your average sex worker / adult porn star has horrible hair. :lol:
klaatu48
Posts: 2418
Joined: 05 Oct 2005, 05:58
Has thanked: 137 times
Been thanked: 61 times

Re: Anyone Here Asexual?

Post by klaatu48 »

bangs-cutter wrote:
01 Sep 2020, 18:21
klaatu48 wrote:
01 Sep 2020, 17:53
Without knowing where you're located, BC, that sounds like something I'd imagine a sex worker would consider an easy night.
Your average sex worker / adult porn star has horrible hair. :lol:
I was going to say that you'd probably have to go toward the higher level sex worker, maybe more the "escort" and Ashley Madison level, but I didn't want to sound elitist. Either way... but yes, I don't think picking one up off the street would give the best quality in this sense. But the brothels in Vegas? At least you'd have your pick of whoever was on the clock.
aasics
Posts: 75
Joined: 14 Feb 2006, 19:58
Been thanked: 3 times

Re: Anyone Here Asexual?

Post by aasics »

I relate to this. Sex and "normal sexuality" has always been a very difficult topic. Also: This probably should be on the main board, and not off-the-wall because it is very relevant. I don't consider myself to be fully asexual, but I am certainly somewhere on that spectrum.

In my experience and non-professional opinion, most that "struggle" with this, formed their attraction to hair well before puberty (I was aware of it at around 4 years old), and consequently, "normal puberty" never really happened because the fetish just took over all that "wiring". Just a theory, but it feels right. Feel free to comment.

I'll essentially give a history of my sex life in case it's helpful. No need to be bashful, but might as well put it out there and if anyone wants to chat privately about this I'm happy to.

Up until I was about 20 I was practically sexually averse. It wasn't even that I was not interested in it, it grossed me out. Nakedness in general - Male or female was unappealing. I didn't really care for nudity and did not really want to do anything more than kiss with women. The only reason I reasoned I was "straight" was because I was into women's hair, and not men's. Consequently, college was a a bit of a chore in this department because despite being a somewhat popular fratboy I would make every excuse not to get into a relationship or do anything more than kiss. The few times I did more, the experience was not pleasant.

At around 21 I met a very attractive fellow classmate that I felt very "safe" with, and it was the first time I had sex. I surprised even myself. I enjoyed it a lot, and for 3 months we had a really great physical relationship where I opened up about my fetish to various degrees and felt accepted - but didn't necessarily always need it to perform. I thought I had "solved the problem" and could now have "normal sex" but, after it ended with her, I went back to not really wanting to have sex with anyone unless I felt safe enough to share my fetish with them ... and that alone took a lot of closeness and intimacy - which I clearly had/have issues with.

At 22 by some kind of weird dumb luck I randomly met a girl via online dating that also shared this fetish. We didn't even have sex, but just messed around and because she "got it" it was one of the most amazing sexual experiences I ever had. Ultimately it ended because we weren't really compatible. This however set the bar quite high and as a result, I once again had little-no interest in normal sex.

From 22-29 I didn't get into any relationships.... and the only times I did have sex or (try to and fail) was when I was drunk, high, or both. Mind you throughout this time I very much struggled with this issues. Was I asexual? What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I be with someone? etc.

When I turned 30 I met a girl and dated her for 2 years. I wasn't particularly super physically attracted to her, but she was very kind, sweet, and accepted me as I was. She was even accepting of my fetish and would try to incorporate it in the bedroom (though she was averse to ever cutting her hair short and still found it awkward so I was never satiated). Sadly, one of the issues we had was physical intimacy, which ultimately led to our break up, and I learned that even though I had considered myself to be "asexual"... I wasn't fully because 1.) I needed to be with a partner I was physically attracted to outside of my fetish, 2) needed to have my fetish accepted/incorporated in the bedroom to be happy.

So here we are, present day. I'm 33, I still have 50% of it figured out and it's madness. At the end of the day, the fetish IS my sexuality, so I'm not really asexual but relate very much to people that are. I don't really have an interest in intercourse, but will do it if I'm stimulated enough with the hair stuff that gets me going. What a headfuck, right?
Last edited by aasics on 09 Sep 2020, 21:21, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
bangs-cutter
Posts: 6518
Joined: 12 Oct 2011, 04:50
Has thanked: 22 times
Been thanked: 111 times

Re: Anyone Here Asexual?

Post by bangs-cutter »

aasics wrote:
01 Sep 2020, 23:40

In my experience and non-professional opinion, most that "struggle" with this, formed their attraction to hair well before puberty (I was aware of it at around 4 years old), and consequently, "normal puberty" never really happened because the fetish just took over all that "wiring". Just a theory, but it feels right. Feel free to comment.
I think you are onto something there with that theory.

I too, developed a fascination towards hair at a very early age before puberty ran its course. Perfect silky straight hair in shampoo commercials, and I even took my parent's discarded magazines and cut out the women from those magazines, and "cut" their hair. This was obviously before the internet was widely available.

My mum used to cut my younger sister's bangs at home, and I would watch with fascination as a young boy. That contributed to bangs cutting being my primary niche within this niche.

In late primary school when puberty started to hit, I found myself noticing my female classmate's hairstyles. Girls that age don't have a say in their hairstyle, so it's not uncommon for them to get major haircut makeovers. One day they might come in with long hair, and the next day, it might be bobbed and/or banged. That excited me (being surprised by their new hairstyle). I didn't know it was a fetish of course.

It was only in secondary / high school that I started to realise I wasn't like other boys. Once, the naughty boys brought adult magazines to school and passed them around secretly. (This was before the internet was widely available.) When it got passed through me during recess, I didn't find the nudity interesting. But the other boys would ogle over the breasts, bum, body and private parts of the women. I didn't relate to that. I was indifferent.

Then, in the late 90s and early 2000s, the internet became widely available to the public, and I discovered hair fetish content and like-minded people on the internet. It was the days of dial-up, Yahoo Geocities, Yahoo Groups, Italian Hair Fashion, Swiss Hair Fetish Page, Bob Hair Worship Page, Haircut.net, PHD4U, (and more) and of course the famed LTAH when it was hosted on Boomspeed. The rest is history.
klaatu48
Posts: 2418
Joined: 05 Oct 2005, 05:58
Has thanked: 137 times
Been thanked: 61 times

Re: Anyone Here Asexual?

Post by klaatu48 »

I follow that same arc almost exactly, BC.

I've never related my hair interests to my asexuality, however. To do so, I think I'd need to do a whole lot of research into when fetishes and sexual interests develop, and, frankly, I'm too lazy to do that.
crank

Re: Anyone Here Asexual?

Post by crank »

bangs-cutter wrote:
02 Sep 2020, 16:01
In late primary school when puberty started to hit, I found myself noticing my female classmate's hairstyles. Girls that age don't have a say in their hairstyle, so it's not uncommon for them to get major haircut makeovers. One day they might come in with long hair, and the next day, it might be bobbed and/or banged. That excited me (being surprised by their new hairstyle). I didn't know it was a fetish of course.

It was only in secondary / high school that I started to realise I wasn't like other boys. Once, the naughty boys brought adult magazines to school and passed them around secretly. (This was before the internet was widely available.) When it got passed through me during recess, I didn't find the nudity interesting. But the other boys would ogle over the breasts, bum, body and private parts of the women. I didn't relate to that. I was indifferent.
Same! Though I was always comfortable around girls and sexually active at an early age. I didn't get off on looking at them so much as actually experiencing physical pleasure, e.g. holding hands, kissing and intimate touching. The funny thing is when I finally went "all the way" with a girl, we often agreed we liked doing "other stuff" to each other and sexual play more than vaginal intercourse. We were also frightened to death of a pregnancy. Getting birth control was harder to get than weed or alcohol. Go figure...

The original cause of my hair fetish is still a puzzle. I sought counseling and talked to a therapist in my 20's. We theorized that it may have been a form of psychological imprinting. The best-known form of imprinting is filial imprinting, in which a young animal narrows its social preferences to an object (typically a parent) as a result of exposure to that object. Baby ducks imprinting on a human "Mama duck". We talked a lot about it and arrived where you did, e.g. cute girls, objects of my desire, showing up with a dramatic new haircut. In one case, I was at a unisex salon for a haircut and one of the prettiest girls in school with the longest, silkiest hair was getting her hair cut short. She was waiting for a ride while I got my hair cut by the same woman. I took a seat in the chair wanting a trim but the stylist conspired this cute girl. They decided I would look better with shorter hair and that's what I got. She sat there and watched... At that point, I would say I was deeply "imprinted" with the hair fetish.

The therapy sessions in my 20's came about because I started down a path where I pursued women with long hair as 'prey' and cutting their hair, for me, became a sort of unhealthy obsession. I began to feel repulsed and conflicted about it because some of the women I victimized, though consensual, only did so because I manipulated them, treating women like objects. I formed relationships then abandoned them shortly after 'the haircut'. I found myself doing it in the salon, cutting women's hair much shorter than they wanted claiming it was miscommunication. I imagined myself getting to the point where I might cut someone's hair without their consent at all, like an assault. Therapy helped me get it all under control.

I am not asexual but I'm not conventional either.
User avatar
bangs-cutter
Posts: 6518
Joined: 12 Oct 2011, 04:50
Has thanked: 22 times
Been thanked: 111 times

Re: Anyone Here Asexual?

Post by bangs-cutter »

crank wrote:
16 Sep 2020, 21:58
bangs-cutter wrote:
02 Sep 2020, 16:01
In late primary school when puberty started to hit, I found myself noticing my female classmate's hairstyles. Girls that age don't have a say in their hairstyle, so it's not uncommon for them to get major haircut makeovers. One day they might come in with long hair, and the next day, it might be bobbed and/or banged. That excited me (being surprised by their new hairstyle). I didn't know it was a fetish of course.

It was only in secondary / high school that I started to realise I wasn't like other boys. Once, the naughty boys brought adult magazines to school and passed them around secretly. (This was before the internet was widely available.) When it got passed through me during recess, I didn't find the nudity interesting. But the other boys would ogle over the breasts, bum, body and private parts of the women. I didn't relate to that. I was indifferent.
Same! Though I was always comfortable around girls and sexually active at an early age. I didn't get off on looking at them so much as actually experiencing physical pleasure, e.g. holding hands, kissing and intimate touching. The funny thing is when I finally went "all the way" with a girl, we often agreed we liked doing "other stuff" to each other and sexual play more than vaginal intercourse. We were also frightened to death of a pregnancy. Getting birth control was harder to get than weed or alcohol. Go figure...

The original cause of my hair fetish is still a puzzle. I sought counseling and talked to a therapist in my 20's. We theorized that it may have been a form of psychological imprinting. The best-known form of imprinting is filial imprinting, in which a young animal narrows its social preferences to an object (typically a parent) as a result of exposure to that object. Baby ducks imprinting on a human "Mama duck". We talked a lot about it and arrived where you did, e.g. cute girls, objects of my desire, showing up with a dramatic new haircut. In one case, I was at a unisex salon for a haircut and one of the prettiest girls in school with the longest, silkiest hair was getting her hair cut short. She was waiting for a ride while I got my hair cut by the same woman. I took a seat in the chair wanting a trim but the stylist conspired this cute girl. They decided I would look better with shorter hair and that's what I got. She sat there and watched... At that point, I would say I was deeply "imprinted" with the hair fetish.

The therapy sessions in my 20's came about because I started down a path where I pursued women with long hair as 'prey' and cutting their hair, for me, became a sort of unhealthy obsession. I began to feel repulsed and conflicted about it because some of the women I victimized, though consensual, only did so because I manipulated them, treating women like objects. I formed relationships then abandoned them shortly after 'the haircut'. I found myself doing it in the salon, cutting women's hair much shorter than they wanted claiming it was miscommunication. I imagined myself getting to the point where I might cut someone's hair without their consent at all, like an assault. Therapy helped me get it all under control.

I am not asexual but I'm not conventional either.
Your honesty in admitting your unhealthy obsession and going through therapy for it is astounding and much appreciated for being vulnerable.

It does seem like your fetish also has an additional common trigger of yourself receiving an unwanted haircut at a young age. This is very common among hair fetishists, where their mum forced them to cut their hair short, and that traumatic experience triggered a fetish. That personal experience somehow evolves into a desire to see others experience the same traumatic experience of getting their hair forcibly cut short, and that turns them on.

On the other end of the spectrum of hair fetishism, many adult Rapunzels experienced similarly. When they were young, their mums force them to cut short hairstyles, and they didn't like it. Then, when they are old enough to wear their hairstyle however they want, they go to the other extreme by growing their hair super long to Rapunzel standard, and care for it like a precious baby, not letting others cut it. Over-compensating for a childhood traumatic experience.

Personally I did not have such a traumatic experience of getting forced haircut. So that wasn't a trigger factor to me.

I have thought of writing a hair story based on my childhood experience seeing my female classmate's hair makeovers. Since bobs and bangs are typical hairstyles that young girls get (forced by mum), that developed into my preference to see haircut makeovers with bangs and bobs, rather than shorter styles like pixies, buzz cuts or bald shaves. Shorter is not better for me. :lol:
crank

Re: Anyone Here Asexual?

Post by crank »

Not a forced haircut but a surprise and very short haircut during my tender years. It came about because of the same sort of convincing, persuasion, manipulation and even seduction that I employed later while convincing girls to let me cut their hair short. FWIW: I loved the haircut (the thrill of it) until I got teased about it. Longer hair was the style during the 70's. After being teased, I was self-conscious about having my hair cut too short even though I wanted to so badly that I fantasized about having a beautiful woman do to me what I was doing to others.

It just goes to show how complex this hair fetish thing is. I don't think there is template or a single flavor.
dweebster
Posts: 1136
Joined: 21 Jul 2008, 19:23
Has thanked: 68 times
Been thanked: 11 times

Re: Anyone Here Asexual?

Post by dweebster »

bangs_cutter <<Then, in the late 90s and early 2000s, the internet became widely available to the public, and I discovered hair fetish content and like-minded people on the internet. It was the days of dial-up, Yahoo Geocities, Yahoo Groups, Italian Hair Fashion, Swiss Hair Fetish Page, Bob Hair Worship Page, Haircut.net, PHD4U, (and more) >>

same here. New world for me.
f35h
Posts: 118
Joined: 14 Feb 2016, 22:48
Has thanked: 6 times
Been thanked: 4 times

Re: Anyone Here Asexual?

Post by f35h »

bangs-cutter wrote:
17 Sep 2020, 10:33
I have thought of writing a hair story based on my childhood experience seeing my female classmate's hair makeovers.
Please do! I'd love to read it :-)
User avatar
bangs-cutter
Posts: 6518
Joined: 12 Oct 2011, 04:50
Has thanked: 22 times
Been thanked: 111 times

Re: Anyone Here Asexual?

Post by bangs-cutter »

f35h wrote:
18 Sep 2020, 09:40
bangs-cutter wrote:
17 Sep 2020, 10:33
I have thought of writing a hair story based on my childhood experience seeing my female classmate's hair makeovers.
Please do! I'd love to read it :-)
Back in 2011 - 2013, I used to have more free time to write stories. That was when I was still in college. Now in the workforce, it's much harder to find time or be motivated to write. I just want to chill and watch hair videos in my free time, than write. :?

Also, even though I was a child myself when I experienced those, writing about my experience when I was a child, now as an adult, it is inappropriate and borders on paedophilia. If I get the time and motivation, I could do it, but would have to be vague about the age of the characters so as not to break the rules of Hair Story Network.
klaatu48
Posts: 2418
Joined: 05 Oct 2005, 05:58
Has thanked: 137 times
Been thanked: 61 times

Re: Anyone Here Asexual?

Post by klaatu48 »

bangs-cutter wrote:
18 Sep 2020, 11:09

Also, even though I was a child myself when I experienced those, writing about my experience when I was a child, now as an adult, it is inappropriate and borders on paedophilia. If I get the time and motivation, I could do it, but would have to be vague about the age of the characters so as not to break the rules of Hair Story Network.
You could always just age up the 'characters' to college age. Make it "inspired by true events."
jinx
Posts: 369
Joined: 11 Feb 2016, 01:35
Has thanked: 33 times
Been thanked: 13 times

Re: Anyone Here Asexual?

Post by jinx »

aasics wrote:
01 Sep 2020, 23:40
Also: This probably should be on the main board, and not off-the-wall because it is very relevant.
I totally agree with you on that count.
f35h
Posts: 118
Joined: 14 Feb 2016, 22:48
Has thanked: 6 times
Been thanked: 4 times

Re: Anyone Here Asexual?

Post by f35h »

klaatu48 wrote:
18 Sep 2020, 15:23
bangs-cutter wrote:
18 Sep 2020, 11:09

Also, even though I was a child myself when I experienced those, writing about my experience when I was a child, now as an adult, it is inappropriate and borders on paedophilia. If I get the time and motivation, I could do it, but would have to be vague about the age of the characters so as not to break the rules of Hair Story Network.
You could always just age up the 'characters' to college age. Make it "inspired by true events."
Urgh, yes, I hadn't thought about it that way. :? Ignore me :-) I'm not sure the 'forced' dynamic works as well with older characters.....
Post Reply